July
1st- PEM with Mum
3rd- Bonfire W/Nick
4th- Jimmys for a BBQ
12th- Sarahs Baby Shower and Brians Wedding
13th- BBQ with Lea
16th- Nicks Birthday!
17th- Preventive Medical in Woburn

and i'm sure i forgot something somewhere....

I am so utterly sick and tired of trying to figure things out.
My intuition urges me to learn every thing that i can but if i keep this up i'm just going to end up hurt, sobbing and alone.

At this point i don't care what people think, call it running from my problems if you want I would give anything to be far away from all of this shit.
My mother has made it a point to engrave it in to my mind that "there will be assholes no matter where you go in life."
That is all well and good, so long as they aren't these assholes.
These same assholes that i've dealt with for the latter half of my life.
I would crawl through a desert of broken glass for a chance to start over with new assholes.

One day i will be able to forget that Burlington even exists, but for now i'll just cry and sleep

alone.

This storm is getting pretty intense, first the turkeys screaming and now the lightning is starting to sound more and more like gun shots.


Its beautiful though, i wish i could sit somewhere safe and watch it engulf the town with water and light.


I want to dance in it ♥

PS.
After chasing Kk around the house and two hours of cleaning all the pink from the floor/bathroom/kitchen her hair is finally dyed.

buh..

Went to see the Hulk with Nikolai(zazzathoth) and Aimee(phoenixtearsfix) last night and took part in some CenMa adventures.
My grasp on time is slipping....

Thursday night i hung out with Jimmy and Philip as a last goodbye to Goodtimes in Somerville :(

I don't really remember the rest of the week other than walking down to Rahanis at 1am and meeting a girl there.
This is most unusual because she says that she lives right up the street and goes there all the time late at night.
I practically live at Rahanis, so i don't understand how i avoided meeting her before.
All in all, i'm always happy to meet a like-mind.

Terror

This is what you call me...

I strike terror among men.
I can't be bothered by what they think.
I bare my cross,
My soul,
Myself.
I forgive,
but i never forget.
I've been put upon this earth in female form.
But I can handle myself with the best of you,
As well as the worst.
And I often have.
I have the right to remain silent,
But i choose to speak,
Sing,
Scream
I am lips,
Hips,
Tits
I am the power of a woman,
Strong like music,
True like friendship,
But without my friends,
There would be no music.
Only spoken word.

Fucker

I am able to change,
So I live without regret,
Without remorse,
Only a remix.
I am drunk,
I am sober.
Heaven doesn't want me
And Hell's afraid i'll take over
Don't bother trying to censor me,
Or shut me up,
Because it won't work.
I am cold and distant,
Yet warm and close,
To those who deserve to see that side of me.
Part of me the heart of me.
You find me so hard to understand in your world.
The world you perceive to be so normal.
I am deformed,
Scorned ,
Reborn.
I am me,
And i know exactly who i am,
What i am
And the wrath i bring.
The ugly beauty,
The lying truth,
The virgin whore
The quiet storm
A lover,
A fighter,
A saint,
A sinner,
A sister,
A daughter
Old school.
A beginner.
I have decorated myself with love,
Hate,
Truth,
You.
All of you,
Both of you,
None of you,
More than one of you

Fucker

With lips like sugar.
Eyes like meat.
I've watched men come,
And go,
And cheat.
I sleep to dream
And dream of sleep.
I had a dream joe
That you were standing in the middle of an open grove.
I had a dream joe
That your hands were raised up to the sky
And your mouth was covered in foam.
I've been crucified,
Justified,
And mortified by my behavior.
Both feminine,
And masculine.
I am a contradiction,
And juxtaposition.
My relief is my release,
And only time will tell.
All's well that ends well
I am unsweetened,
Unclean,
Been called drama queen.
Ex girlfriend,
Ex member,
The tantrum,
The temper.
I point my finger,
Take the blame.
And this time I will own the name.
Because no one is going to ruin me.
If i have to,
I will ruin myself.
And it will be 'My Ruin'

Happy belated birthday to me.



i am insane.